What's Hot: Lost Blogger Steals from Fandom
What's Hot: Lost Blogger Steals from Fandom
Note: The following story was an April Fools joke. However, regardless of its lack of truth, it is very entertaining and funny. Enjoy.
In a bizarre series of events, not unlike many of the plot-lines in the veteran island mystery drama, LOST co-creator, executive producer, showrunner and writer, Damon Lindelof, has abruptly broken all ties with ABC and quit the show, just a few weeks before the hit series' fifth season finale. The unexpected departure has left ABC executives and LOST producers scrambling to quiet concerns over the series future. Lindelof has largely been regarded as the driving force behind LOST, and the main source and inspiration for the shows overall direction. His premature exit has many industry insiders questioning whether or not the sci-fi pop-phenom will even return for it's sixth and final season next year. More after the jump.
Reports from Hawaii indicate Lindelof went into a frustrated rage on the set early this morning after the Conficker Worm severely corrupted his laptop. Doogie Knarp, a miniature model builder working on the LOST set, reported hearing Lindelof scream at a cowering grip, "Don't you get it? It's gone! All of it! There is no backup! We got conf*ckered! I can't take this anymore, it's just like Y2K!" Doogie described what happened next as "unbelievable". "He just snapped. He had this crazy look in his eyes. He took his laptop and threw it on the ground, then jumped in one of the prop-buses and repeatedly drove over the computer - back and forth. After that, he picked it up and threw it into the ocean. All the time, with this odd laugh and those eyes. Then, he just walked away, saying that he quit."
Tan Leer, a local non-union seamstress, was sewing a patch onto a jumpsuit when she heard the commotion. "I was just finishing up the Dog Catcher uniform, when I heard all this yelling outside. At first, I thought it was Carlton and Damon arguing about another continuity error, but then I realized there was none of Carlton's usual high-pitched crying - so I went to see what was going on." Tan found Lindelof bashing a script supervisor repeatedly in the head with a rolled up screenplay, and immediately tried to pull him away. According to Tan, Lindelof shoved her back, and then turned his fury on her, "I was scared. He looked crazy, and I knew he had some Parker Jotters in his pocket. You could really hurt someone with one of those!" But instead of physically attacking her, Tan says Lindelof broke down and started to weep uncontrollably, "You don't get it, do you? I lost everything. Season six, gone. Dark Towers, gone. All my notes for Star Trek XIII, gone. The scripts for my upcoming 12 issue miniseries Ultimate Gambit vs. Mole Man, gone. Nash Bridges - The Motion Picture screenplay, gone. It's all gone, all of it. Years worth of work, gone. I'm finished!"
Two hours later, Lindelof allegedly called into a morning radio program on WFTW hosted by Chet Waller. "We were talking about the rumors, about Lindelof... you know, having fun - and all the sudden, he calls in", Chet described the occurrence. Recordings of the program feature what appears to be a very subdued Lindelof making a brief statement about his actions earlier in the morning. "I just want to say, I'm sorry for what happened this morning. I lost my cool, and that isn't acceptable. I've just been under a lot of pressure lately, not that that is any excuse. Now that I've had time to think about things, though, I realize this is all for the best. I just don't need that kind of stress in my life. And, to be honest, we didn't know what the hell we were doing. I mean, Charlotte's on the island five years before she is born. The runway was built for the plane to land on, but they didn't know to build it until someone from the plane went back in time and told them. It's all chicken and egg. We were just making it up as we went along, and I have no clue how we were going to reach a logical, rational ending next year. I think this whole Conficker thing just helped me realize I don't need all this. Someone else can figure it out. I really just need to simplify my life right now." When asked if he would be returning to LOST, Lindelof replied, "Never. Never, never, never. I left the island, and I'm never going back!"
LOST creator J.J. Abrams could not be reached for comment, and ABC has not released any official statement on the matter. The eleventh episode of the fifth season of LOST airs tonight, April 1st, on ABC at 9pm EST. The season finale is scheduled to air May 20th.
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Haha I'm guessing this is a big APRIL FOOL!
Well, the other anagram has got to be Tan Leer or Chet Waller, right? But I stink at anagrams... I figured one out once and thought I was so hot and then it was totally wrong, so I haven't been able to tackle one since.
So somebody else take those clues and figure it out... LOL!
Hey sledgeweb, you DID get my heart beating fast if not but for 5 seconds. So kudos to you!!
had me for a while.... don't know why i fell for it... stupid me lol
Yay, someone got the Y2K reference, it was meant to be a little joke, and also pointing out that Conficker is just as uneventful. LOSTinral, I agree with your two points, but I used artistic license to make those stretches. :)
I'm glad most people got a good scare followed by a few laughs. I never do anything for April Fools', but I had the idea for this and thought it would be fun.
OK, no one has figured out the other name scramble yet!
Also, I told Astro my vision of the Dog Catcher position went something like this:
"Ok, looks like you are 'Dog Catcher'"
-"Dog Catcher? Is there even any dogs here?"
"Uh, well... no, not yet anyways. But, the aptitude test says 'Dog Catcher', and we don't question the aptitude test!"
ok, you had me up until the Y2K comment! knowing that nothing happened that day, i thought 'wait a minute, what's today?'
it was a good one though!
This was a pretty good prank. Besides realizing it was April Fool's Day and this story was just TOO convenient, a couple of other things occurred to me, when reading further.
1. Wouldn't Lindelof use a back-up source for such important information and not rely on keeping all that stuff on a single laptop? That sounded just crazy.
2. It's my guess Lindelof most likely uses a Mac. Mac's are immune to the Conficker worm.
I'm still freaking out - is it really a joke?! Please promise me! haha
If a Dog Catcher uniform EVER shows up on this show.....LOL
Well done. :D
Ben, will YOU write Ultimate Gambit vs. Mole Man? Thlay can rewrite Nash Bridges. :)
Hilarity...
When I realized it was a joke:
"You don't get it, do you? I lost everything. Season six, gone. Dark Towers, gone. All my notes for Star Trek XIII, gone. The scripts for my upcoming 12 issue miniseries Ultimate Gambit vs. Mole Man, gone. Nash Bridges - The Motion Picture screenplay, gone. It's all gone, all of it. Years worth of work, gone. I'm finished!"
Awesome. :)
Madam P, yes... it's real.
I almost pooped myself!
Ha!
You totally had me before the jump.
Man, what a sucker I am. That first part was very convincing, but still, I'm an idiot.
Wow! Good to know this isn't for real. My heart is beating pretty hard still. Is it normal for your left arm to feel all tingly?
cmon who else thinks this is all BS.. its april fools day... ha ha ha ... lets move on...
Good catch Lost in NH. There's another one though. See, it's like a mini Hunt! :)
good one!!! I remembered today was April 1 and you still had me till I was 1/2 way through this article.
Good one. I love how the name of "Doogie Knarp" is an anagram for "Prank Goodie"
Wasn't sure if it was for real until after the jump. Wasn't totally certain it was a joke 'til:
We got conf*ckered!
Funny...
I bet you've given some people heart attacks, though, and I hope that someone out there publishes this as fact because they were too lazy to go to the jump!
Very good, sledgeweb! I'm like vickilynn, you had me for a very split-second, but that's all it takes for a "gotcha!" Good one!
I also loved the Dog Catcher Patch... LOL!
(Ummm... you mean there really IS such a thing as a Conficker worm, Shakey? That's too funny of a name... I thought it was part of the joke!)
Well done, well played. A definite smile on April Fools Day. I wonder how the universe will course correct itself on this one.
So does this mean that there wont be Nash Bridges the Motion Picture?!?! Oh the humanity!
YOU JERK!!!
My Goodness MAN!!!
you're killing me.
Good job sledge. You had me for about 10 seconds and then I remembered the day. Very funny article.
Favorite part...the dog catcher patch!!!! Hilarious...thanks for a great April Fool's laugh...
Better than Dark's prank...;)
Okay, I seriously died for about five seconds while I read the first paragraph...then the jump...when the writing shifts a bit from AP-style reporting to crazy-Fox-News-style reporting, I knew....Good one! Thank goodness this only happens once a year!
I knew it when I saw the headline and thought, "Oh, I bet is will be good." My favorite part was driving the bus back and forth over the laptop. Classic!
HAHAH....very good one....the part about saying "its all gone"...wow....i was reading that and im like "you gotta be kidding me!"....i was outraged...then i remembered what day it was damnit haha
Very funny......well done. I would love to drive over my computers......all 65 of them but the boss would be pissed....MAY THE LOST BE WITH YOU!!
Ohhhhh you sooooo had me!!! I was totally freaking out!!!! That was a cruel joke, nice!!! LOL!!! :)
Oh.
My.
Gosh.
I am shaking.
Ben got me.
You evil, manipulating, lying, megalomaniacal villain. I love you!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be laughing about this for a week.
Nicely done. I suspected it was a joke just from the headline but knew it for sure when I read that the conficker worm was the last straw. I've already read that the worm hasn't caused any known problems yet.
LOL! Good one!! You had me until paragraph 3.
When I woke up this morning, I reminded myself of the date, and told myself if someone tells me something outrageous - don't fall for it.
Even so, I started reading this aloud to my coworkers, then in mid-sentence I said "oh crap, I just remembered what day it is"
That was Excellent!
Shoot guys, Sledge sent this to me yesterday and just said "do you think we should post this tomorrow." I read the first paragraph and was so paniced that I stopped reading and demanded to know who his source was. Even after he forced me to read the whole thing, and it became obvious it was a joke, it still hadn't clicked that today was April Fools day and I couldn't understand why he wanted to post it. So he even got me, a day early! lol.
When I first logged on and read that headline I was panicked for a split-second! You got me!
I almost cried until I realized it was April Fools! Shame on you!!!
Very funny and good Sledge!
Oh, man, you had me going there for a minute. Lots of laughs - great April Fools!
Hehe. I love April Fools.
LOL!!!!
The sad thing is, I could see him doing that one day.
you crazy kids!!
BBC Radio 1 just said that participating petrol stations across the country are offering half price fuel between 8-10am, and to ring the radio station for your nearest.....
I nearly rang.... nearly... April Fuels day folks
wow that was good. had me going until the total freak out part.
I'll admit, you had for for 2 paragraphs or so.
You cheeky monkey
He has to come BAAAAACK!
(nice one)
What gave it away?! :)
April Fools!!
Let me guess... April Fools?